Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
