There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
