We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
