I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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