i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
