She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
