awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
