i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
