Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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