if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
