once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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