It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
