Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
