I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sarcasm needs its own font
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
