i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
