my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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