Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
