I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
