Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
