TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
