Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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