she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
