if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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