Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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