I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
