i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
