All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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