Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
