I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
