is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
