He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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