He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
