your room smells of hookers.
And success
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
