My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
