Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
