well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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