What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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