While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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