i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
