I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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