so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's shark week go big or go home
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
