There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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