It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
