i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
