Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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