I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
