Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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