i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
