You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
