You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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