just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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