If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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