All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sarcasm needs its own font
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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