your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
