I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
