this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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