no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My bed smells like the plague
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
