I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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