can we get nightvision for the apartment?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
