evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
