Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Screwed.edu
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
