If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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