Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
