I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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