So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
