FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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