weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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