it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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