hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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