Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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