when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
