is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
