Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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