dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
