I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
