That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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