someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
