Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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