is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
