my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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