Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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