I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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