i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
