so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
