took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize